I love when sitcoms set up one of their characters to “not like surprises.” It’s a trope that seems like it’s been used in every show since the dawn of television. Usually, the phrase, “he doesn’t like surprises,” is uttered in the opening minutes of an episode titled “Gina Plans Ted’s Surprise Party.” Gina knows Ted, but apparently she doesn’t know enough about him to know that “he doesn’t like surprises.” Ted’s sister, Eartha, informs Gina of Ted’s phobia, and this news comes as a surprise to Gina, since she’s spent the last few months planning this giant surprise party for Ted. What are the odds.
Who goes through life “not liking” surprises? Does that person make a point of knowing everything that’s going to happen in a given day before leaving the house? If a bird that a person has never seen before unobtrusively flits by, does that person consider his or her dislike of surprises grounds for freaking out? “DIDN’T EARTHA TELL YOU, BIRD? I DON’T LIKE SURPRISES, BIRD! YOU ARE A JERK BIRD WHO HAS RUINED MY DAY!” Not to make light of agoraphobia, but unless you’re Emily Dickinson, I feel like surprises should be cherished.
Like when you’re eating a muffin and – SURPRISE – it’s filled with Nutella. And you’re not allergic to nuts.
Or when it finally dawns on you that car insurance will allow you to pay for damages to a Mack truck, telephone pole, and Mustang over time. Just for example.
Or when you receive a letter that you are among a group of people who will be compensated for a class action lawsuit, but you don’t open it because you think it’s junk mail, and then $70 are wired to your checking account on a day when your bookie’s breathing down your neck. And you want to buy your bookie some mints.
Click here to be surprised by my hidden talent: impersonating Johnny Cash. Trust me, it’s shocking.
